D*mn pyrophobia

I am afraid of fire. There I said it! Usually my fear doesn't interfere with my life or ability to function. I use candle warmers instead of lighting candles. Sometime i would light a candle but only with one of those long lighters.

Tonight my fear has got the best of me. My darn pilot light on my furnace has decided to go out. It is starting to get cold I am torn. I worry that if it gets too cold my babies will suffer but I can't bring myself to light the furnace. I gave myself a pep-talk, got into the crawl space and told myself I could do this. Well I read the instructions and my fear got the best of me. I started feeling nauseous and started dry-heaving. I was hyperventilating and just cried.

My sweet husband tried to call some work friends to see if any of them could come to my aid. Unfortunately he had no luck. :( I am going to snuggle up with my kids and hope that it stays warm enough that we won't have any problems. But if it comes to it I just might have to face my fear. I am terrified and praying that we can make it through the night and that I can get some help in the morning.

I am so embarrassed to be so afraid. I wish I could just go down there and get the job done.

I can not wait to get our new furnace this spring. This one is one it's last legs and I don't know if I can take another night like this.